Car Drivers: A Rant
Cars....no start again. Car drivers. The scourge of the cyclist. I'll put it politely, they are (and I may be generalizing a touch, but possibly not), road scum.
The moment you slip into your Lycra shorts, clip into your pedals and set off for a ride, the little antennas on the multitude of cars crackle into life and lock on to your wheels like heat seeking missiles. The moment a car driver, blissfully tootling along to the strains of Simon and Garfunkel, all placid and carefree, sees the pumping legs and sleek profile of a cyclist daring to share the same stretch of tarmac, a Hulk-esque transformation takes place.
In an instant, Simon and Garfunkel becomes Slipknot at maximum volume, the benign smile turns into a malignant sneer, the calm relaxed face contorts into a creased, angst ridden visage of hate.
'Bloody cyclist!'. You know that's what he is thinking. He might not yet have said it or wound down the window and yelled it at you, but that's what he's thinking for sure.
City Cycling: It's The Dodgems (but you don't have to pay £2 to a Hill Billy from Deliverance)
Why would any of us who have wisely decided to take to our bikes, willingly cycle through built up urban environments? Towns and cities are the antithesis of 'cycling friendly' places. Yet thousands of us do it every day. Consider these facts and then decide if cycling in towns and cities is the act of the sane;
1. Lack of cycle paths: Councils with barely tuppence to spare are loathe to paint lines and plant signs for cycle specific pathways. Those that do, create such random routes, full of dismounts, join carriageway, leave carriageway, share with vehicles that can crush you in a second (ie bus lanes) that you feel safer taking your chances in the traffic.
2. Pedestrians: Odd things. Like rabbits in headlights, they jump without warning into your path, without looking, then stand frozen to the spot as you yell at them to 'Get out of the *&%$ing way....try looking first....'More than that, pedestrians tend to hog cycle lanes and take the cyclists ultimate enemy with them (dogs).
3. Irate feather spitting drivers. Woe betide anyone on a bike who has the audacity to weave through a line of static traffic and make your way carefully to the designated cycle zone by the traffic lights. (That's if Mr. T.WAT hasn't plonked his Vauxhaul Knowitall there - coz I can right). Lights go green, you move off and within half a second you can feel the car behind snapping at your wheels, champing at the bit and itching to burn you off and get by. Once they have achieved this feat of motoring, you may receive an earful of foul mouthed abuse, hand gestures or even objects thrown at you.
4. Pollution. The joy of sitting at the lights behind a diesel belching bus or lorry; engine idling away until the driver (in neutral) gives it a massive revving, spurting a plume of filthy black exhaust fumes into your face and down your lungs.
5. Traffic Lights. The bastards. Sorry, it's true. Look up, lights ahead, 200m. Lights on red, 100m, slow down, brake, still red, 50m, continue to decelerate, 10m come on, come on...change.....5m, 4,3,2...clip out, 1m foot down. And change. Honestly, there has to be a little man operating the lights. He waits until the very second your foot hits the ground, presses the button with an evil grin and the lights change to green. Cue flustered cyclist trying to clip into pedals and pull away, whilst being snapped and hooted at from the cars behind.
6. Roundabouts. Little ones, medium ones or great big 7 exit ones. If you are in a car you can quickly nip away when a gap appears. On a bike it takes a hell of a lot of courage, good judgment and luck to pull away at a roundabout and miss being clipped from the side by Boy Racer or Stupid Trucker treating the roundabout like it's the Nurburgring.
The list is not exhaustive. There are so many other hazards, obstructions and frustrations cycling in towns and cities....potholes, poor road signing, road debris (ever tried braking on a discarded bag of chips?). It's no wonder that cyclists are reluctant to cycle to work with such encumbrances.....
Near Misses
Two in two days. The car hating motorists were out in force Wednesday and Thursday in Worcester last week.
Near Miss No.1
Pull up at the lights (which change as I arrive, unclip and put my foot down). I move off, a half wheel turn and hear the siren of a police car, blue lights on, coming from my left. To continue my journey would have led me straight into the path, and under the wheels, of a fast moving police car on emergency response. The Independent Police Complaints Commission would quickly find that I was at fault.
I braked and stopped suddenly, causing the car behind to do the same.
Moving off and about to pass through a single lane section of road (narrowed by roadworks), the car behind overtakes me and in a foolish, idiotic, ridiculous maneuver cuts back in and slams on his brakes. I brake, wobble, but maintain control of the bike and look up at the driver who is gesturing by tapping his finger against his head repeatedly; suggesting I should 'think'. Police car, emergency, stop. It's what you do. Cut in, slam brakes, nearly knock someone off, gesticulate like a maniac. It's sadly what a lot of drivers do. A clear case of being a large dollop of Anchor butter. Knob.
Near Miss No.2
Worcester's steepest hill is Fort Royal Hill. It is residential and cars line either side. I like cycling up it as it is about 200m long and I can get up it, standing on the pedals all the way and feel pleased as punch (and a bit breathless) at the top.
The trouble is, cars go up and down it too, often with little or no room to pass each other, coming to a stop. This is terrible for the cyclist who needs rhythm and momentum to get up a hill. Stopping is akin to walking. It's difficult to get going again.
And so it was, I wanted to go up Fort Royal Hill. As I turned left into the bottom of the hill, two cars ahead had stopped as another was trying to come down.
I turned my bike around and cycled 20m on the path (I know, naughty really), in order to go up a parallel steep road. As I did, an unsavoury looking shaven headed chap in an estate car attempted to do a three point turn. He turned right as my bike neared him. I almost stopped, but immediately set off again thinking that he would, of course, allow me to pass before he completed his turn in the road. Especially as he wouldn't cross into the path.... Not a bit of it. As I moved off, he moved the car forward in a sudden jerk, his bonnet missing me by inches. I couldn't quite believe that i) he'd missed me by such a narrow margin, ii) it was an accident, iii) I had been targeted by a jerk, jerking his car deliberately at me. I caught a glance of his face as I passed and there was the tell tale sneer and snarl of the cycling hater.
So in order to avoid such unpleasant and dangerous situations in future, I am sticking to the B roads. Forget the town centres, the by ways and highways. No, it's the leafy country lanes for me, no more traffic jams, pollution, traffic lights, idiots in cars.....
Hold on....there's what? You're joking....tractors, animals jumping under your wheels, lots of hills, huge potholes, comparatively few cafes, almost no bike shops for those emergency repairs, cows, sheep, horses and their assorted droppings.....
Oh well. Only one thing for it. The bikes staying at home, I'm diving to work from now on. Cyclists beware....
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